


Time and Again

by justanexercise



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, can be seen as sort of dub con but not really, mention of hetero sex, with a hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 17:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8632054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanexercise/pseuds/justanexercise
Summary: Kara's liked Alex for a long time. 
A look through her years and how she deals with her feelings for Alex.





	

 

 

“We are not watching _Pretty Woman_ ,” Alex says. She crosses her arms over her chest and ignores Kara’s pout as much as she physically can. Alex even looks up at the ceiling.

“Please?” Kara stretches the word out as much as she can and pushes her lower lip out even more.

Alex glances back at Kara and dramatically flops down on the couch. “Fine! But you can make the popcorn.”

Kara momentarily freezes with the DVD in her hands and gulps. Alex’s face melts just a bit and she makes a show of getting up.

“Fine, I’ll make the popcorn, you get us soda.”

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Kara smiles gratefully as she puts the DVD in and speeds to the fridge to get the soda. She frowns at the empty rack.

“Alex, I think we’re out.”

“There should be some in the basement,” Alex says, pouring the kernels into the pot.

“But it won’t be cold.”

Alex throws a grin at Kara. “Well if someone can use her freeze breath…”

Kara fake-gasps and puts a hand to her heart. “We mustn’t use our powers for our personal gain!”

“Go get the soda dork!”

Giggling and skipping down the stairs, Kara grabs a few extra cans of soda to put inside the fridge. She pauses at the top of the staircase and holds the can right in front of her. She blows. Nothing. She tries again. Just normal breath.

“Yo Kara!” Alex shouts from the living room. “I’m gonna put in _Silence of the Lambs_!”

Kara runs out with an indignant shout. Alex just throws a piece of popcorn in the air and lets it land into her own mouth. The TV still shows the menu for _Pretty Woman_. She glares at the back of Alex’s head and huffs.

“That was mean!”

“Well I’m going to if you don’t get your butt over here!”

Kara tosses the rest of the soda into the fridge and brings out cups and ice. She snuggles into Alex’s side and reaches into the giant bowl of popcorn. Alex sighs and rolls her eyes as dramatically as a teenage girl can. “This isn’t even a scary movie.”

“You’re comfy.”

Alex hums and drops her arm over Kara’s shoulder. Though Kara is concentrating on the movie, she can still hear the scoffs and slight mumbles Alex makes. They retreat to Alex’s room when the movie is over, Alex complaining all the way there about how unrealistic it is. Kara shrugs. It’s about as realistic as the horror movies Alex likes to make her watch. Alex flops onto her bed and opens her English textbook, groaning slightly.

“Ugh, really? I have to read Romeo and Juliet after watching that?” Alex groans.

Kara sits on the floor and takes out her math homework. They work in amiable silence. Kara though, can’t concentrate on the numbers and formulas she’s writing down. She clears her throat a few times until Alex throws a pillow at the back of her head.

“Spill.”

“What?”

“You only clear your throat like that when you’re nervous about something, now spill.”

Kara coughs. “I…” she blushes.

Alex climbs off the bed and sits next to Kara, bumping their shoulders together. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Have you kissed someone?” Kara doesn’t look at Alex.

“Why? Did someone try to—“

“No!” Kara whips her head around, seeing Alex frown and the protectiveness come right out. “No that’s not…”

Alex raises her eyebrows. “Is that why you wanted to watch RomComs?”

“No that’s not…they’re better than horror movies!”

“Whatever.” Alex nudges Kara’s shoulder again. “So…what you’re getting curious?”

Kara swallows thickly. “On Krypton…it isn’t…we didn’t…not in public.”

“Okay.”

“Physical intimacy wasn’t as shown outwardly.” Kara turns to Alex. “On Earth, it’s different.”

“Yea, it can be I guess. But if someone tries to touch you without you wanting it.” Alex’s face grows dark. “You tell me alright?”

Kara ducks her head at Alex’s protectiveness. She nods slightly.

“Hey, I got your back.”

Kara’s heart beats wildly. She swallows thickly and tilts her chin up, watching as Alex’s pupils blow wide. She can smell the remnant of butter and popcorn, can almost taste it. She brushes her lips against Alex for a fraction of a second.

“Girls! Why is there popcorn all over the couch!” Eliza calls out.

Alex lunges backwards and hits the back of her head against her bed post.

“Fuck!” Alex swears, rubbing it.

Kara hurries towards her but Alex waves her off.

“I’m fine,” Alex winces and rubs at the back of her head. “I’ll uh…I’ll clean up downstairs before mom comes up.”

Alex sprints down the stairs, making a huge ruckus of cleaning the living room. Kara sits dejected and touches her lips with the tip of her fingers.

-

Kara blinks awake and squints to check the time. It’s 3:34am, why is she—

Her heart nearly stops. She uses her super hearing this time and listens. Alex is crying. Kara tosses the covers off and quickly goes to Alex’s door. She uses her X-ray vision this time, seeing Alex cry on her bed. Knocking quietly on the door, Kara mumbles out, “Alex?”

Alex whimpers slightly. “I’m fine Kara,” she whispers, knowing full well Kara can hear her.

“Alex, let me in.”

Kara waits outside in the hallway for another minute, knocking her knuckles against the frame of the door occasionally to let Alex know she’s still out there. Finally Alex shuffles over and unlocks the door, opening it a crack and shuffling back into bed. Kara shuts the door and tucks herself behind Alex on the bed.

“What’s wrong?” Kara asks, rubbing her thumb across Alex’s arm.

Alex swallows a few times before she croaks out, “Vicki…”

“Is she okay?” Kara seems ready to leap out of bed for her.

“She’s fine,” Alex mumbles. “We got into a fight.”

“Oh…” Kara lays back down and rubs her hand soothingly up and down again. “What about?”

“I don’t even…we were yelling at each other and…she hates me now.” Alex sniffles.

Kara can’t even fathom anyone hating Alex. She buries her nose into the back of Alex’s neck. “No she doesn’t.”

“Yes she does.”

“You’re her best friend, she’ll get over it.”

Alex shakes her head and holds onto Kara’s hand. It takes a long while before Alex could fall asleep but Kara stays awake. She lifts herself up and hovers over Alex, seeing all the tear tracks across her cheeks. Kara frowns and wipes at them lightly with her thumbs. She means to float back down and give a kiss to Alex’s cheek, but instead she floats down and kisses the corner of Alex’s mouth. Kara gasps and immediately falls down beside Alex.

Kara can barely hear anything else over the thumping of her heart. She glances over at Alex, still not moving. Kara breathes out in relief. She shuffles back and glues herself to Alex’s back, her lips almost touching Alex’s shoulder.

She shouldn’t do this. Alex is hurting and she should be taking care of her now.

Kara moves closer, her lips brushing across Alex’s skin.

She can’t help it.

-

“I thought you already had a graduation party,” Kara says, her arms crossed over her chest as she hovers near Alex’s door.

Alex ties her shoes and grabs a light jacket. “Yea, but there’s another one.” She shrugs. “It’s just mostly an excuse to throw a bonfire.”

“Oh…” Kara bites her lip.

“And, with mom at her conference, I won’t have to be home before curfew.” Alex shrugs on the jacket. “Wanna come?”

Kara fidgets slightly, looking at the sincerity in her eyes. She’s about to say yes when there’s obnoxious honking at their front door.

“Come on Danvers! Sun’s going down already!” yells Ethan. There’s hoots and hollers from the other kids in the car.

Kara grits her teeth and pastes on a smile instead. “No it’s okay.”

Alex places a comforting hand on Kara’s shoulder. “You sure?”

“Yea, I wanted to catch up on some reading anyways.”

“Kara, it’s summer, what readings do you have?”

“Human culture?”

Alex chuckles and shakes her head. She kisses Kara’s cheek. “Alright, have fun studying human culture instead of interacting in it then. I’ll be back by…I don’t know midnight? Maybe a bit after!”

Kara hears the front door slam shut. She walks over to Alex’s window and peers out as Alex jumps into Ethan’s jeep. She grits her teeth. He peels off their driveway, leaving tire marks on the asphalt.

 

It’s almost midnight. Well it’s a bit after 11pm but still that means it’s almost midnight. Kara sighs and shuts off the TV. She takes the remaining slice of pizza in the box and thoughtfully chews on it. Maybe she should go to the beach. See what Alex is up to, and what the hubbub is about these bonfire parties. She grabs her phone, keys and takes the bike out.

Kara takes the most direct route there, peddling at a leisurely pace for a Kryptonian not for a human. She speeds past another car driving over the speed limit. At the edge of the beach, Kara sets down her bike and closes her eyes, just listening for Alex’s heartbeat. It takes her less than ten seconds to spot it. She wheels her bike with her and finds Alex sitting alone on the cliff with a bottle of beer.

“Hey,” Kara says, sitting down next to her.

“Kara!” Alex immediately pulls her into a hug. “You came!”

“Yea, why aren’t you with your friends?”

“Just wanted some alone time.” Alex takes a swig of beer and offers the bottle to Kara. Kara shakes her head. Alex drinks another mouthful.

Kara leans her head on Alex’s shoulder, even though Alex complained about it when Kara got her growth spurt. Alex never pushes her off though.

“Did you go swimming?” Kara plays with the ends of Alex’s long hair, feeling the salt crystals.

“Nah, Ethan dumped water on all the girls.”

Kara rolls her eyes. “Lame.”

“I got him back though, punted a football in his stomach.”

“Should’ve aimed for his face,” Kara mumbles lowly.

“Oh what’s this? Is Kara Danvers advocating violence?”

“No, that’s not…violence. Just retribution, plus not like you’d hit him that hard!”

Alex giggles. “Probably.”

Kara snuggles in closer as the wind picks up around them, even though she can’t feel the chill, but Alex might. Instead Alex is the one who wraps an arm around Kara and pulls her closer. Kara looks up at, watching the moonlight bounce off Alex’s face. She swallows thickly. Beautiful.

“Hey,” Alex turns, feeling Kara’s stare. “What’s—“

Kara grabs Alex’s face and tugs her down, kissing her. Alex stays stunned as Kara tries to keep kissing her, but a moment later, Alex puts a hand on Kara’s face and pulls back.

“Kara—“

“I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay,” Alex pulls Kara in close and hugs her tight. “It’s okay. You’re…you’re my sister okay? It’s okay.”

Kara hates that word. Sister. They’re not sisters. She remains rigid as Alex tries to console her. She can’t do this. Kara pulls away.

“Kara—“

“I’m fine, I just…I wanted to try it.”

“Kissing?”

Kara wrings her hands. She can lie. She’ll do it for Alex. “Yea…kissing. I’ve…yea…I just wanted to feel what it was like.”

Alex chuckles humorlessly. “Alright.”

“I’ll…I’m gonna go home. Are you—“

“I’m gonna stay for a bit longer,” Alex says. She doesn’t look at Kara.

“Okay…see you at home?”

“Yea…bye Kara.”

Kara berates herself the whole way back, walking slowly away from the partying teenagers and tuning everything out. She can’t do this. She can’t. She wipes at the tears on her cheeks. She has until the time she gets home to get this out of her system. Then…then she’ll be normal again.

She doesn’t see Alex that night. She waited up for her but Alex didn’t come home. She’s half tempted to call the cops mid-morning but decides not to. Alex just needs a bit of time. Maybe.

Kara wanders to the kitchen, looking out in the driveway for any signs of Alex. Still nothing. She can’t even eat right now. Her stomach feels funny.

Her senses pick up a car coming by, but it’s not Alex’s heartbeat she hears. It’s Eliza’s. Shit. Kara has less than a minute to come up with a plausible lie, or maybe she should tell the truth. That Alex isn’t home yet and maybe they should be looking for her.

“Good morning Kara,” Eliza says, coming in with her suitcase and giving Kara a hug.

“Morning.”

“Let me guess, Alex is still sleeping.”

“Uhhm…” Kara falters. What should she do? She swallows.

“Kara?” Eliza looks awfully suspicious.

Kara blinks rapidly. She needs to tell the truth – wait. Alex is nearby, she can hear that steady heartbeat.

“Alex sort of went out early to surf, said she’s going to miss the waves.”

Eliza tuts in disapproval. “Well I suppose it is summer. Okay, I’m going to take a shower and maybe a little nap.” She kisses Kara’s forehead. “Tell your sister to stop leaving her wet suit in the garage when she comes back.”

“Will do!”

She waits for Eliza to climb up the stairs before she runs to the front door and opens it, seeing Alex. She pulls Alex in.

“Where have you been? Eliza’s back!” Kara hisses.

Alex keeps looking down at the ground. Something’s wrong.

“Alex?” Kara takes a good look at her and Alex’s clothes are a bit disheveled. She smells like cheap cologne that…that Ethan wears. Kara ups her senses, there’s a small underlying tang of blood. Kara’s voice grows steely. “Alex, what happened?”

“I’m fine,” Alex says hoarsely. “I’m just gonna shower.”

Kara grabs Alex’s wrist. “Alex…”

“Kara, I’m fine.”

She lets her go and watches Alex shuffle up the stairs with a very small limp. Her hands curl into fists. Someone hurt Alex and that someone is named Ethan. She’s going to punch him the next time she sees him.

 

Kara doesn’t punch him the next time she sees him, because the next time she sees him it’s Alex inviting him for dinner a week later.

“Hey Kara,” he says with what he would call a charming smile.

Kara smiles dangerously at him but he doesn’t seem to pick up on it.

“Alex hey!” Ethan looks over her shoulder and hugs Alex. He kisses her on the mouth.

Kara doesn’t think she can eat dinner anymore.

 

Alex dates Ethan for the remainder of the summer and breaks it off before she leaves for college. Ethan’s devastated. Kara is elated. He was never good enough for Alex.

-

 

Kara readjusts the pillow on her couch for the tenth time. She checks her watch. Another five minutes maybe until Alex gets here. She stands next to the stack of pizza boxes and inhales deeply. She will not open them before Alex gets here. No matter how tempting all that cheese is and how they’re slowly congealing as time goes on and heat is dissipating!

She turns excitedly at the knock on her door. She throws it open without looking and Alex raises her eyebrows.

“You’re here!” Kara pulls Alex in and tries to hug her but Alex has her arms full.

“Housewarming gift.” Alex sets the box down and properly gives Kara a hug. They stay that way for much longer than intended and Alex is the one that shakes out of it, pulling away. “Wow, nice place.”

“I know! I think Clark said he saved the owner so…well he’s giving me a discount.”

Kara digs through the housewarming gift box and pulls out a figurine? Two figurines. She looks at them quizzically.

“Got them from a work trip to Japan,” Alex explains. “Thought they looked like something you’d like.”

Kara grins. “I do!” she quickly runs around her apartment, trying to find the best place. She eventually sets them down on a drawer near the window. “Perfect,” she mumbles.

“Did you get the…” Alex flips through the boxes of pizza. “Ohh extra cheese.”

Kara gasps and runs towards her, taking the slice from Alex’s hand and immediately taking a bite out. Alex just shakes her head with a smile and gets another slice. They eat in an awkward silence. It’s been too long.

“So…how do you like National City so far?” Alex asks.

“It’s…louder.”

“Definitely more people here and more cars. Good thing you don’t have to drive.”

“Yea…yea no driving for me.”

Kara chews silently. It shouldn’t feel like this. Awkward. Weird.

“Hey.” Alex puts a hand over Kara’s and squeezes.

Kara flips her hand over and squeezes back. She appreciates the sentiment.

“Okay, so, what kind of jobs are you looking at?”

Kara groans. “I don’t know yet!”

Alex hums. “You know Noonans?”

“No..?”

“It’s a coffee shop slash restaurant, they’re hiring right now. Could be something to start out with.”

Kara grins. “Do they have crullers?”

“They also have sticky buns to die for.”

Alex raises her eyebrows and Kara giggles. They’re still okay. Kara can’t keep her legs from swinging happily.

Alex ends up staying a lot longer than they both thought she would. She looks exhausted and yawns again.

“Okay I should—“

“Alex you are too tired to drive!”

“Then I’ll call a cab.”

“Or you can just stay here and leave in the morning.”

Alex pauses. “I uh…”

“Come on,” Kara says, tugging at Alex’s wrist. There’s really no arguing with Kara.

“Okay okay! Stop  the woman-handling.”

Kara does her best to not look at Alex while she’s changing into Kara’s pajamas. When she turns around and sees Alex rolling up her pajama pants legs she can’t help the snort.

“Oh shut up.” Alex throws a pillow at Kara’s head.

“Mine now.” Kara jumps into bed and holds the pillows hostage.

“Fine!” Alex burrows into the sheets and lays sideways with her head on Kara’s stomach.

Kara tries not to breathe too much, until Alex pokes her right in the stomach.

“You didn’t even have to work for those abs!”

“Hey! I totally…would work on them if I had to.”

Alex rolls her eyes. She smacks at Kara’s stomach and shakes out her wrist. “Like a rock.”

Kara throws the pillow back at Alex’s face and turns over. She can’t do this right now.

“You suck,” Kara says.

“Uh huh, night Kara.”

“Night…”

It’s a testament to how jetlagged Alex really is. She falls asleep within minutes while Kara stays awake. She turns around, looking at the back of Alex’s head. Playing with the tips of Alex’s hair, Kara scoots as close as she can to Alex without actually touching her.

This is enough.

It has to be, if she wants to keep Alex in her life.

-

“Mom?” Alex clears her throat again. “I uh…I have something…I want to tell you.”

“What is it?” Eliza asks, setting her wine glass down and giving her full attention to Alex.

Alex looks away. Kara puts a hand on Alex’s arm for support and squeezes. Alex can do this, Kara gives a subtle nod.

Taking a deep breath of courage, Alex says, “I’m gay. I like…girls. Only girls.”

Kara smiles. She rubs her thumb over Alex’s arm. She’s so proud of Alex.

“No.”

Kara’s smile drops and Alex blinks rapidly.

“What?” Kara asks.

“No.” Eliza repeats. “You are not. You cannot be. Alexandra how can you possibly say that to me? To your sister?”

Kara can see the tears welling in Alex’s eyes and she slides her hand down, holding Alex’s hand firmly in hers. Eliza zeroes in on that and frowns so deeply.

“Eliza—“ Kara begins.

“Kara, could you please give me a moment alone with your sister?” Eliza demands more than asks. She hasn’t taken her eyes off Alex.

“No,” Kara says. “Whatever you want to say to Alex, you’ll say it in front of me too.”

“Mom what is—“

“She’s your sister, you can’t…you can’t be that!”

Alex reels back, completely thrown off. “Wait, what are you—“

“How many times do I have to say this Alex? She is your sister. You cannot have these feelings--”

Kara gets it. She lets go of Alex’s hand and nearly breaks the table when she angrily slaps her hands down on the top. “Alex doesn’t love me!”

“Kara-“ Alex says, trying to put a soothing hand on Kara’s shoulder.

Kara shrugs her off. “Not like…she doesn’t love me like that.” Kara adjusts her glasses and glares at Eliza. “So rest assured Eliza. Alex isn’t…she isn’t gay because of me…she doesn’t…” she swallows back a sob. “I’m her sister. We’ll always be sisters. Okay? Stop…stop blaming her for everything that’s my fault.”

She can’t look at them, especially at Alex, can’t stand to see what sort of pity there is for her. She shakes her head. “I have to—I have to go.”

Kara ignores their protests and flies off the balcony.

-

Kara can’t ignore Alex forever but she needs time. Just a bit more time to get rid of all the embarrassment, all her feelings. But J’onn’s been giving her these disappointed but caring looks. She’ll just have to rip it off like a band-aid.

“Hey,” Kara says, dropping in on Alex’s balcony.

“Kara!” Alex rushes over to her.

“I uh…” Kara side-steps Alex. “J’onn said you wanted …”

“Come here.” Alex pulls her in for a hug. A very long and very tight embrace. Kara hugs back as tight as she can without hurting Alex.

When Alex pulls away, Kara wishes she can just hug Alex again and feel safe. She’s not ready for this. She should’ve kept her Supergirl uniform on, at least that gives her a little more courage.

“I think we need to…we need to talk.”

Kara nods. Alex leads her to the big couch and makes her sit right next to her. Kara looks forlornly at the single seaters next to them. It would’ve made things easier.

“So I uh, I’ve been thinking a lot. Like a lot.” Alex sighs. “Okay I don’t even—Kara—do you still—wait no let’s not. Okay. Do you remember Vicki?”

“Your first crush.”

“Right yea, I told you that already. Okay, well she wasn’t my…my only crush. I’ve had a lot of them but that’s not the point. I mean. Sort of but this isn’t about me.”

Kara swallows. Of course it’s not about Alex; it’s about her and her inappropriate outburst, her outburst that put everything into light.

“That didn’t come out right, I’m just…” Alex takes a moment to collect her thoughts. “You know how mom kept saying…kept telling me that it’s my fault?”

“It’s not. It’s not your fault Alex.”

“It kind of—“

“My feelings…aren’t your problem. They’re mine. Don’t let her –“

“She’s not completely wrong.”

Kara blinks. “What, what do you mean?”

“I…I think that I shoved down a lot more memories than just Vicki and other girls. I think…I think I felt…ashamed of my feelings—“

“Alex you shouldn’t –“

“—for you,” Alex finishes. “My feelings for you. I—Kara, you were actually…” she takes a deep shuddering breath. “Kara I liked you first. More than what a sister should. Not more than, in a way a sister shouldn’t. And maybe…maybe I shoved those memories down even further because…because they’re…I shouldn’t have. Mom—mom kept insisting that we’re sisters and…and I think she knew. She knew the way I looked at you wasn’t sisterly.”

“You…you liked me?” Kara asks, hating the hopeful tinge.

“I did,” Alex admits. “I really did. Kara you kissing me…at the beach. I…I liked it a lot. I wanted it so much. But I knew we couldn’t…”

“That’s why you and Ethan…” Kara can’t even finish her sentence.

“Yea…yea but it’s not your fault okay? They were my feelings and I couldn’t handle them.”

Kara nods. “Okay…okay but you don’t anymore…you did but now it’s….now I’m your sister.”

Alex takes Kara’s hand, entwining their fingers. “I don’t know, it’s been…I’ve been denying it for so long.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“If…if it wasn’t for me maybe you would’ve known earlier—“

“No. Kara. No.” Alex slides her hand over Kara’s neck. “This isn’t … it doesn’t work like that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“It doesn’t matter, I know now.” Alex swallows. She takes a moment. “Do you…do you still…”

Kara squeezes her eyes shut. “Alex please.”

“Kara…”

“Yes…I’m sorry. I…I’ve been trying, I’ll try harder.”

Alex presses her forehead against Kara’s. “Maybe I don’t want you to do that.”

“What?”

“With all this…all this stuff coming out.” Alex chuckles at her word choice making Kara laugh too. “I think we could try. If you wanted to.”

“Try?”

“Try to…try to stop…stopping ourselves. Let it run its course, see where it takes us.”

Kara can’t help the smile creeping up on her face. “You want to…with me?”

“Yea, yea I do.”

Kara licks her lips. “Can I …can I kiss you?”

Alex nods and Kara slowly leans in, waiting for Alex to pull away. She doesn’t. Kara just gives her a small kiss, barely touching Alex’s lips. Alex is the one who gives Kara a proper kiss, one she should’ve given Kara years ago.

 


End file.
